Touching God's Heart

There are some things that you think you won't be missing every day in your life. You wake up everyday, have breakfast, take a bath, go to work, check your emails, be pressured by your boss, go to the gym and train, go back home and sleep. On weekends, it's either you fill out with endless hanging out in the malls with friends and squeeze a little of your time to go to church. Being a yuppie, life has been like this for me for the past months. I seem to love and (fear a little) everything about life, when things are all what they seem, when things go as they should be. But what could be missing? Of course I haven't forgotten about God, I read my Bible everyday, I read my daily devotions, I pray and confess my sins.

But I was sitting there inside Ninoy Aquino Stadium, with the Hillsong United Concert ticket in my hand and in a few minutes later, true worshippers will worship God in spirit and in truth. As I sat there, I recalled last year when I was at Reuben Morgan's Concert God has literally turned my life around. It was there God revealed His purpose in my life but how about now? When I have my own job, sure God's dream for me is there but I felt somehow some things has been clouding my heart. I felt off-centered. True, I love God- I'm involved in God's ministry but somehow I felt out of touch. I felt I have lost my center. I desperately need to touch the heart of God and that God would touch mine. I'm not sure if I'm worthy to come into His presence tonight with worries in my head - like my job, or the sins that were to shameful to admit. But I have to and I want to - to come boldly into His presence, this all or nothing. I have nothing to hide, I'll discard all my sophistication and I'm gonna sing, dance and jump before His presence like it's just between me and Him.

Everything was in a blur as the band came out. I felt so ready and the trailer before us flashed, "Now is the time when true worshippers will worship God in spirit and in truth". People were howling, screaming and jumping as the music played and the band played the songs. God was slowly removing the layers of pretense off my heart. It's hard to sing and to take into your soul what you're singing when you felt so far away from God. I sighed in frustration, God I can't feel you. Why is it like that? But when I stopped doing all my attempts to manufacture for God's presence by signing out loud, jumping, and just standing there being silent and prayed a simple sincere prayer, I felt God coming to me and I felt my Spirit rising as I slowly come to His invitation to lavish His presence. We cannot manufacture God's presence by setting up an atmosphere of worship. He comes when our hearts are set before Him.

Pastor Christian came up the stage and gave a short exhortation. He was telling us not to forget the dream God has planted into your heart. If you haven't got a dream then start dreaming. Live God's dream everywhere you are - in your church, with your friends, in your workplace. Live out God's dream for and just do it! How could I forget what God has planted in me? How suddenly at this current situation in my life, they seem so far away? What has gone wrong I thought? The passion has gone and I've been neglecting my ministry in order to pursue some "new" passions. I realized I have prioritized other things more than I prioritize things that matters to God. I've made mistakes and wrong decisions. I rededicated my dream to God and just like a snap! God's heart seemed to be reconciled to my heart and I was singing my heart loud, shouting out loud God's goodness and praying for people. This is wonderful, I wished that this night would never end.

When the concert was over, my friends and I were still so excited of what has transpired. We talked about what God has revealed to us that night and we can't stop talking about it while we were going home. The message is still clear, imprinted into us, just like what the song "Tell the World" says,

"Don't wanna be here and shout your praise and walk away and forget Your name."

We ought to be out of the world telling everyone of what God has done in each of our lives.

Didn't Christ Dined with Sinners?

Just recently, I met my Dad who just arrived from Davao in Holiday Inn in Ortigas. After our small talk I decided to bring my Dad to church in a certain church inside Robinson's Galleria which is just a few steps away.

When we arrived there, we were met by a swarm of churchgoers who can't find seats. I was impressed. The sound was great, they have worship leaders and pastors who looked like celebrities. What a great motivation indeed to go to church if you see girls and guys who are good to look at every Sunday. When the sermon came, all was quite going well. It was about Faith and the account was about when Isaiah gave his blessing to Jacob instead of Esau. The pastor was funny, an eloquent speaker himself. But for one thing, it was his behavior as he shared this side joke before the crowd. We all know that Jacob was quite the opposite of Esau. Esau was hairy, a very physical man who enjoyed hunting and the outdoors while Jacob was smooth and fair-skinned, who tended the sheep and stayed near home.

So this pastor made this stupid joke about men who were fair-skinned and he was relating to men nowadays who were effeminate, quite vain about themselves, in short men who are "gay". People were laughing but in one corner I saw this guy. He was wearing pink and by the looks of him it's obvious that he is gay. His face was a picture of hurt. He was angry and I saw him clenching his fist. I stopped myself from my urge to laugh and felt Christ speaking to me. I saw him and felt his agony, as people in the audience laugh in their ignorance. If I were that man, I wouldn't be going to this church.

I'm not judging or anything about a church like this or churches in general these days. As I have observed, churches nowadays don't attend to the brokenness of its members. Most churches nowadays are more focused on evangelism on making thousands and thousands of members eventually making them mega churches. It's not bad actually but sadly most churches are concerned maintaining their status quo. They wanted to be the church of the "elite". They wanted to project an image of a happy church, with all of its members happy and smiling and faithfully appear to obey God's word. It's either they want to hide the reality that its members are broken - they ingore it, they shy away from it or just laugh their way to it just as this pastor is making this sickening joke? They don't offer help, they condemn. What a hypocrisy!

Didn't Christ dined with the sinners? Didn't he associate himself with the tax collectors? Didin't he saved Mary Magdalene, the prostitute? Didn't he gave the living water the adulteress woman of Samaria badly need? Didn't he choose Peter who was fickle-hearted? or Judas whom He know would betray him? Our churches become the modern-day synagogues; with their pastors, the modern day Pharisees. Is that what Christ want his church his to be? With people who claim to be clean and spotless? Think again, the church should exist to welcome sinners. To provide help to those who are needy, to be a safe place to anyone who needs refuge and most of all to transform the lives of the people to be Christ-like, not tolerating the sin but lovingly care for the sinner.

The Calling of Matthew (Matthew 9:9-17)

9 As Jesus went on from there, he saw a man named Matthew sitting at the tax collector's booth. "Follow me," he told him, and Matthew got up and followed him.

10 While Jesus was having dinner at Matthew's house, many tax collectors and "sinners" came and ate with him and his disciples. 11When the Pharisees saw this, they asked his disciples, "Why does your teacher eat with tax collectors and 'sinners'?"

12 On hearing this, Jesus said, "It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick. 13But go and learn what this means: 'I desire mercy, not sacrifice.'[a] For I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners."

Spending All Soul's Day

I was in the middle of the stage and I felt I was Michael W. Smith. The band echoed making a crescendo of the first song of Michael's "Worship" album. I felt my mouth which I know would be saying, "Hello Louisville, Kentucky!" instead, "Hello, Oranbo, Pasig!"

What!?

Where the hell was I? Oh, yes, on my bed? Dreaming or maybe daydreaming perhaps. I woke up and felt my whole body ache from doing boxing the night before. That was good though! Anyway, I did my usual thing: have my quiet time, have breakfast while watching Hillsong, check my e-mail and browse my bookmarked sites. By 1 o' clock I'm going to meet my friend Josh, to watch "The Prestige".

When I finished my errands, I answered my GT assignment and continued my reading on "Angels and Demons"... that writer, Dan Brown is really great. Only those who believe what he says are the ,fools. I got at SM Mega by 1. Just in time, Josh texted me and we met and have lunch before watching the movie. By quarter to 2, we were inside the cinema.

The movie was really good... all these pointless quest for power just brings you death and your destruction - that was all the movie wants to convey in a nutshell. After that Josh asked me to hang out in his "crib" but I declined feeling quite tired and wanted to go home. So we decided to go to Starbucks and drink coffee and talked about stuff like life, career, women, etc... I was supposed to go home but I was tempted to shop so I bought myself a set of my corporate attire... yes. I still waited for an hour to have my slacks altered so I went to Powerbooks and listened to "Bossa" and have dinner. After that I, got my slacks, went home and wrote this.

Life can be quite ordinary sometimes and it's good to appreciate the ordinary.

Late Night Moonshell

LRT

It was like 9:15 PM when I left the gym today. My whole body was still alert preparing for some iron action so I treated myself with a handful of nuts and gatorade to feed these hungry muscles. I was on my way to LRT trudging along Quirino Avenue. I saw some guys playing basketball and somehow I wish I could play but I was kind of tired and I still have work tomorrow at 8.

I hurried myself climbing up the stairs of LRT, quite anxious that I might miss the last train but I was glad I'm just on time. By the time I was by the platform, the last train came. I entered and tried to settle down (or up) and relaxed my mind, feeling the tiredness of the day. In front of me was a girl sleeping. Her hands were clinging around her mother's arms and her mouth was half-open. Her hair was blown slightly by the weak air-conditioned breeze issued from the LRT vents. Her face was a picture of calm, of rest and comfort. I strongly felt God's presence in that child and I thank God that even in the midst of our busyness, when we turn to God we can be rested, still and quiet. He said in Psalm 46:10, "Be still and know I am God"... What a truth to behold!

I arrived home here at CH by 10:30 and feeling so tired physically. I brushed my teeth and I heard my friends at BP coming downstairs. We shared small talks until they go home. Tomorrow, I will be facing a new day - I might to the same thing but each day will be a day of rest when you are before God's presence. The world tires you but in God, you will be refreshed.

Whatever Happened to Andy

I have not written my own posts for the past 3 months, I think. I've been very busy, will tell you more about the details in the next paragraph.

Last July, I started my training as an AITS (Associate IT Specialist) in BPI-Computer Systems Corporation. It was 2 months and a half blood-drenching training of logic formulation, learning the COBOL program, and the mainframe operating system tools and utilities. It has been a wonderful and exhausting (I was sick twice because of stress) time, learning critical and analytical skills, but most of all the value of teamwork and hard-work along with my fellow trainees. I think most of all those are the most important things.

I will truly miss the times, when we just sit all day coding our programs in the "aquarium", chatting, teasing and joking, listening to Von's MP3s, and eating, eating. I would miss the "belgian" days where after lunch we would go to Ministop for a belgian ice cream. The training has just ended and some of us were "eliminated", those who didn't pass. It's quite sad that module after module were decreeasing in number.

We are now distrubuted to different areas of assignment and it's time to say goodbye. It's sad but life has to go on... We will be going to a new office, meet new people and experience a different culture. There's gonna be a period of adjustment.

Well, whatever happened to Andy... Things have been difficult for him, internally and externally. Many things have come and gone and he's quite unsure what he has become now. God knows and sees his every step... in this busy and fast-paced corporate life, God will surely made His name in his place.

At The Cross

God loves you no matter what... so just come before Him.

Train Stations

Life is like riding on a train

Last Saturday, my friends and I spent the whole afternoon, and almost all evening celebrating Judd's birthday and Edwin's despedida party. We went to Edsa Shangri-la Mall and ate at Green Tomato where we ordered pasta, a large-size pizza and citrus chicken salad (which was the best!). We haven't consumed everything and it's a good thing Ice showed up though late and ate everything. We were so full then, so we decided to stroll around the mall, talk about stuff, just lazing around, and going to Tower Records and listen to music. It was about nine in the evening when we decided to sip coffee at Starbucks. Edwin showed up but Ice and John had to leave early, so they left. When we finished our coffee, we decided to go at Streetscape, an outdoor nook just beside Shang with restos, live band and a dance floor. Francis and Judd were in the dancing mood when we got there but the band wasn't there yet so we ordered some beer (my first in two years!), nachos and peanuts while waiting. By ten, the band started to play and a group who call themselves "Soul'd Out" started to perform. Wow! They are very very amazing. When they sang their first song, "Stop In the Name of Love" people were on the edge of their seats. The vocalists were very fantastic: three ladies, one of which is a huge woman resembling Aretha Franklin. They sang songs in the 60s, 70s and 80s - soul and rhythm and blues. By the end of the second set, the band played disco songs and before we know it, Francis and Judd were on the dancefloor. God, I can't stand their guts, though I wish I have it, starting the dancing mood, shamelessly dancing when you're the first one to do it. Later on many people followed: single guys and girls, couples, peers, moms and dads and their kids... It's really nice to see people dancing with abandon, not really minding if you look good on the dancefloor or had the coolest groove or dance steps.. just enjoying the beat and celebrating God's gift to mankind - pleasure in music. Later on, we joined in. It was about twelve when we left Streetscape and it's time to go home. We really have so much fun and silently, secretly, each of us wished that we could extend the fun but for an unspoken reason, we just went home.

Looking to it now, I would consider it one of my simple memorable events in my life: that we have fun and really enjoyed as friends and brothers in Chritst. One of them celebrating another year of his life as a "bachelor" (Hopefully, you'll get a girlfriend this year, man. That's my birthday wish for you.) and one of them saying farewell as he faces a new life in another country. Truly these are the moments worth to be cherished because people who you hold so dear will not be with you forever... same with you and other people as well. You may be a son who says good bye to your mom and dad to start living independently or a bestfriend who has to let go of your friend because he or she is now engaged to the person he/she will marry... You may be a father who has to let go of your daughter as you led her down the aisle to the man she loves. These moments, days or hours, or weeks maybe are the bittersweet moments... joyful because they'll be facing a new adventure in life yet sad because you will not be a part of it... Truly we can only trust God our relationships- when to begin, when to grow and when to end... As people go, new people come and you will be part again of a new adventure with them. I have read an article published in our church's newsletter saying that life is like riding a train. As the train stops in each station, people who are with you, some of them leaves while new passengers join you... and in the next station, the same thing happens and eventually, you will be the one to leave. But the story ends where all of these people meet at the Grand Central Station where all people who you know, all people who influenced you, all people you love, all people whom you have at one point have formed relationships. But before we got there, life has to go on the longest railroad, people may come, people may leave but as long as they're with you - share precious moments with them, extending yourself and allow them to extend to you in return.

I dedicate this article to all the people whom I knew for just a little time but made great impact on my life: To Frank and Anita who were like Dad and Mom to me, to Mario, "Astig ka pare!" whose coolness I cannot forget. To Eric, the encourager, who used to cook burritos and pasta for us and hope you will in the future. (Thanks for teaching me to make potato salad by the way) and to Edwin who will leave this Saturday. I admire your encourage and your sense of service. I miss all of you guys (Just thinking about you makes me teary-eyed right now) and see you later in another station or if not in the Grand Station where we will all surely meet.

Holy, Normal & Androgynous

As the days grew nearer to my first job, I find myself readying myself for it... Anyway, I'm currently designing a new template for Andy's Undies, which will come out soon. For the meantime let's have fun:

Your Deadly Sins

Envy: 20%

Lust: 20%

Pride: 20%

Sloth: 20%

Wrath: 20%

Gluttony: 0%

Greed: 0%

Chance You'll Go to Hell: 14%

You will die at the hands of a jealous lover. How ironic.

How Sinful Are You?

Your Brain is 47% Female, 53% Male

Your brain is a healthy mix of male and female You are both sensitive and savvy Rational and reasonable, you tend to keep level headed But you also tend to wear your heart on your sleeve

What Gender Is Your Brain?

You Are 20% Abnormal

You are at medium risk for being a psychopath. It is somewhat likely that you have no soul. You are at low risk for having a borderline personality. It is unlikely that you are a chaotic mess. You are at low risk for having a narcissistic personality. It is unlikely that you are in love with your own reflection. You are at low risk for having a social phobia. It is unlikely that you feel most comfortable in your mom's basement. You are at low risk for obsessive compulsive disorder. It is unlikely that you are addicted to hand sanitizer.

How Abnormal Are You?

Take It All

Guys, check out United's latest video:



Searching the world
The lost will be found
In freedom we live
As one we cry out
You carried the cross
You died and rose again
My God
I’ll only ever give my all

You sent Your Son
From heaven to earth
You delivered us all
It’s eternally heard
I searched for truth
And all I found was You
My God
I’ll only ever give my all

Jesus we’re living Your Name
We’ll never be ashamed of You
Whoa o oh
Our praise and all we are today
Take take take it all
Take take take it all

Running to the One
Who heals the blind
Following the shining light
In Your hands
The power to save the world
My life

Clueless

God is...

Yesterday, when I (we, including my two other housemates who were with me)got home, I found three other housemates in a very heated debate. When I got to investigate, they are talking about the usual debate about "Christianity" and all its loopholes... The thing that they discussed when we arrived was

"What if a Buddhist who lived and died growing up in his faith without hearing the gospel of Christ, will he go to heaven?" or

"If God knows who to be saved or if He knows that all human beings will not be saved, why would He create us in the first place?"... or

"When is salvation a sure thing in your life?" or "When can you say you are saved? If I sin again will I be saved?"

Inside me was a longing, bursting out what faith and salvation God has given me... and in my reckless atempt to justify my stand, amidst all the rebuttal, I resorted to anger taking the question personally on the other person... God is with me and I know him personally, I have to fight in what I believe. But my heart was somehow called by God to mellow down and stop. When all was over, as I was lying on my bed, I was thinking of what has transpired and I realized that during our discussion, we "boxed" God in our compartments called our minds... I admit, I was really flushed out, my housemates are all very intellectually knowledgeable about religion, of concepts about God but again, as I was there in my bed thinking, God really spoke to me as if He was whispering in my ear, "What you know about me is nothing compared to who I really am" and I prayed saying my apologies to God, "God I'm sorry for all of us, we may have blasphemed you in the process and sorry for compartmentalizing you in our limited thoughts"

Today when I woke up, God comforted me in His word found in 1 Peter 3:17, it says:

13(W)Who is there to harm you if you prove zealous for what is good?

14But even if you should (X)suffer for the sake of righteousness, (Y)you are blessed (Z)AND DO NOT FEAR THEIR INTIMIDATION, AND DO NOT BE TROUBLED,

15but [a]sanctify (AA)Christ as Lord in your hearts, always being ready (AB)to make a defense to everyone who asks you to give an account for the (AC)hope that is in you, yet (AD)with gentleness and (AE)reverence;

16and keep a (AF)good conscience so that in the thing in which (AG)you are slandered, those who revile your good behavior in Christ will be put to shame.

17For (AH)it is better, (AI)if God should will it so, that you suffer for doing what is right rather than for doing what is wrong.

Yup I am zealous for God and the hope that He has put into my heart. And it's not my goal to win over an argument about God. I am to share the hope of living and walking in God and it is God who will shame or change those who are genuinely seeking Him. To give you guys a parting thought, let me share a testimony of faith of a guy in "My Utmost for His Highest" worship musical:

Faith is not a question of DEBATE or REASONING. It is an ABSOLUTE and IRREVOCABLE SURRENDER, a SHUTTING OUT of every other consideration and keeeping one's self before God for this one thing only, MY UTMOST for his Highest.

...

Is it raining, little flower?
Be glad of rain;
Too much sun would wither thee;
'Twill shine again.
The clouds are very black, 'tis true;
But just behind them shines the blue.

Art thou weary, tender heart?
Be glad of pain:
In sorrow sweetest virtues grow,
As flowers in rain.
God watches, and thou wilt have sun,
When clouds their perfect work have done.

Never Let Go

When I woke in the morning and go downstairs and lay on the sofa, I look up and see the clear blue skies outside the window. I could hear birds chirping around enjoying the coolness of the morning. I close my eyes and say, "God, You are God and I will ever praise You." Moments after, I would open my Bible and read God's word and savor God's promises in life and I'll pray and ask God that He would be upon me the whole day.

Fast forward after that, I get dressed and prepare myself. I have an exam in this electric company that I'm applying and I say to God, "Lord, this is it! This will be the job that You have for me and I'll do good". And I go on my way, eyes wide-open and a smiling heart. I don't mind being drenched in sweat and my polo creased as I made my way inside the MRT. I did good in exams and felt I would pass. In my heart, an expectant hope stirs up, "God, be upon me. Send Your favor on me". Hours after, I would go the organization that I'm currently involved with. We have a newsletter to finish and there I was getting started to do all the necessary layout and editing. I would say, 'Bless this newsletter, Lord. I pray that it will touch anyone those who read it." and you would say, "Lord, have favor on me cause I did favor in Yours"

What happens when you the company hasn't called you for the allotted time? I would say, "Lord, please touch the hearts of those in charge of my application, please" and still you waited. Days passed and no call or text came. I start to become anxious and desperate. Each day, I pray that I still trust God and that He will still give my heart's desire but inside, the hope within starts to grow fainter and fainter. And days pass, I feel I don't want to praise God nor even had the enthusiasm to read His words. I felt worried and angry, angry because God does not seem to hear me. One night in my bitterness I cried out, "God! Why are You like that? You make my life so hard! I have faithfully served you. I've been involved in your work, served people along the way. Iit's not fair! Why can't you grant my own request, this simple request?" And tears filled with pity rolled away. And I felt very desperate but God is slowly speaking to my heart, "Have faith, my child! You might not see what I'm doing in in your heart but continue to trust in me"... Such an unseen truth! Easy to say but hard to follow.

The next day, when you wake up, you can still feel the bitterness in Your heart but You've made a decision, "I will not stop praising You! I will still declare Your goodness. For all the things that You've done and for all You're going to do". Everyday, God starts to assure me. As I read the the book of Psalm, I encountered an account about King David in Psalm 71:

Psalm 71:12-16 Amplified
12O God, be not far from me! O my God, make haste to help me!

13Let them be put to shame and consumed who are adversaries to my life; let them be covered with reproach, scorn, and dishonor who seek and require my hurt.

14But I will hope continually, and will praise You yet more and more.

15My mouth shall tell of Your righteous acts and of Your deeds of salvation all the day, for their number is more than I know.

16I will come in the strength and with the mighty acts of the Lord God; I will mention and praise Your righteousness, even Yours alone.

This really spoke to my heart and the bitterness just ebbed away. My friends, I urged you to continue trusting God. In times of trouble, cling to God, never let Him go. Speak to Him in bold honesty what is in Your heart and He will comfort you.

Habakkuk 3:17-18
17Though the fig tree does not blossom and there is no fruit on the vines, [though] the product of the olive fails and the fields yield no food, though the flock is cut off from the fold and there are no cattle in the stalls,
18Yet I will rejoice in the Lord; I will exult in the [victorious] God of my salvation!

All You Need is a Hug

It is primitive
without it you die...

Human touch, so basic, so primitive... without it you die. I recently heard of a story that a baby who hasn't been held with a human died in three months. So in conclusion, we all need a touch, a hug, a pat, a kiss.

Yesterday, I was feeling down... I don't know, so much has happened to me. I've been in a lot of exams and interviews but still haven't got a job. I have challenged myself in any physical activity and felt good about myself doing it but... I knew something was missing, I felt down and lonely and wished someone would take care of me. My brother came into my room and suddenly I just called him to hug him and I felt all right... wow, there must be something magical about a touch... and there is something destructive about the touch when used abusively - physically, sexually, etc.

Children nowadays are devoid of touch. Parents are so far away either physically or emotionally. Today's pace of life leaves the family, so broken and children are longing and longing for their parent's touch. I believe that the increasing number of homosexually struggling men are guys as boys devoid of their father's touch and also women who jumps from one guy to another are also devoid from their father's touch or lesbianism struggling women from a mother's touch... You can often hear them say, "It's not sex that I really want, just another person's warmth through touch."...

Me and my uncanny thoughtsm but think about it... It makes sense. We all need touch.

The Greatest Advice

...Loving them is harder

Don't date because you are desperate.
Don't marry because you are miserable.
Don't have kids because you think your genes are superior.
Don't philander because you think you are irresistible.

Don't associate with people you can't trust.
Don't cheat. Don't lie. Don't pretend.
Don't dictate because you are smarter.
Don't demand because you are stronger.

Don't sleep around because you think you are old enough and know better.
Don't hurt your kids because loving them is harder.
Don't sell yourself, your family, or your ideals. Don't stagnate!

Don't regress.
Don't live in the past. Time can't bring anything or anyone back.
Don't put your life on hold for possibly Mr/Mrs Right.
Don't throw your life away on absolutely Mr Wrong because your biological
clock is ticking.

Learn a new skill.
Find a new friend.
Start a new career.
Sometimes, there is no race to be won, only a price to be paid for some of
life's more hasty decisions.

To terminate your loneliness, reach out to the homeless.
To feed your nurturing instincts, care for the needy.
To fulfill your parenting fantasies, get a puppy.
Don't bring another life into this world for all the wrong reasons.

To make yourself happy, pursue your passions and be the best of what you can
be.
Simplify your life. Take away the clutter.
Get rid of destructive elements: abusive friends, nasty habits, and
dangerous liaisons.
Don't abandon your responsibilities but don't overdose on duty.

Don't live life recklessly without thought and feeling for your family.
Be true to yourself.
Don't commit when you are not ready.
Don't keep others waiting needlessly.

Go on that trip. Don't postpone it.
Say those words. Don't let the moment pass.
Do what you have to, even at society's scorn.

Write poetry.
Love Deeply.
Walk barefoot.
Dance with wild abandon.
Cry at the movies.

Take care of yourself. Don't wait for someone to take care of you.
You light up your life.
You drive yourself to your destination.
No one completes you - except YOU.

It isn't true that life does not get easier with age.
It only gets more challenging.
Don't be afraid. Don't lose your capacity to love.
Pursue your passions.

Live your dreams.
Don't lose faith in God.
Don't grow old. Just grow YOU!

--> by Rick Warren, author of Purpose Driven Life

Post-script: Rick Warren is coming here in Manila this July for a conference in Araneta... will keep you guys posted for details.

All I Need Is You

I'm desperate for You

I need You
Like Water, Like Bread, Like Rain
I need You like mercy
On Heaven's gate
There's a freedom in Your arms
That carries me through
I need You

And I'm desperate for You
You're the reason that I live
You are the song I sing
All I need is You

Simple Moments with God

I just came from the gym, feeling slightly tired from the usual exercise routine and at the same listening to the Katinas' "Lifestyle" album. I was mouthing the lyrics of the song, "Eagle's Wings" and deep in my heart, I made them my prayer,

"Here I am waiting, abide in me, I pray. Here I am longing for you...",

And I thought personally, my life is quite bland: I don't have job yet, I do God's work but I felt I'm not supported and I felt tired and discouraged.

"Hide me in your love, bring me to your my knees. May I know Jesus more and more"

and when the chorus came, a gust of breeze blew against me, and the rays of the sun played on my face and the music went, "Come breathe in me... all my life take over..." and felt God's breath literally blowing on me and I felt so light and still walking. The ordinary street felt like a highway of light to God's presence. "Come live in me and I will rise on eagle's wings..." I felt God's love and comfort over me and I know He's telling me, my life is in His hands though you may not understand with what is happening in your life today.

He is calling you today to live a life walking along His path. It's not about being a Christian, it's not about religion or knowing doctrines. It is having a personal relationship with God. I first thought that if I were to follow God and forsake my own dreams and ambitions, the old ways I kept dear, my life would be boring, my friends may not understand the new found faith I'm walking. It took me long before I let go and be "swept away". My life might be simpler now, but what great joy it is to walk with God! My life is never boring and I felt I walk before a great adventure God has planned for me. It is my prayer that you know God - not the God your parents might tell you, not the God your church tells you, not the lies and the scandal the church might have today - but God as the intimate lover of your soul and the Son who saved you from sin.

Tell The World

This is a shrine for Hillsong United! This new layout is for them, and for the cause of telling what Jesus has done to us through their music. This video is for you guys, enjoy!

Leadership Retreat

Us in 'The Tree'

Last Saturday till Monday, BP organized a leadership retreat for leaders-in-training. We left our CH, by 8:00 and off we go to Sierra Madre Mountain Resort at Tanay, Rizal. We had a very enjoyable 2-hr journey watching as the view of the shabby buildings of Manila gradiented into lush, green, airy scenery. As we went up higher and higher along the slopes of Sierra Madre, the trees change into small grasses and it feels so refershing watching these "grasses" dancing as the breeze carried along. Later the grasses were accompanied by some pine trees and I felt I was back in Baguio again.

Towards an Adventure

We arrived at the resort by 10:00 and as we went out the van, cool breeze met our faces and everyone was filled with peace and rejuvenation. The whole morning till afternoon, we had our lecture. We spent the rest of the afternoon, exploring the sights, and we went further down the slopes and we felt as if a new adventure fills our hearts of the unknown... not only toward these never-ending slopes but in an adventure God prepares for us in this ministry. During the night we killed the time playing "Uno". As the training progressed, I learned a lot and I felt God is just empowering me spiritually, equipping me of his grace and strength. And among us, we felt God annoints us in the place we are taking in this ministry, and among ourselves, as a legion of brotherhood serving for one true Master.

I felt quite sad leaving the place but the greatest lesson I've learned is that God empowers us in the place where He uses His creation - nature and men to glorify Him.

Rain on Summer

BP 1st Issue

It has been two plus months since I got here in Manila and things were pretty much okay than I have expected. It seems I have been watching my dreams starting to unfold before my eyes and I just can't help but to thank God for all of this. It's like fresh spring rain during this hottest time of the year. Well, currently since I don't have a regular job (yet), I was planning to accept tutorials this summer. I got my ad published at "Buy and Sell" and hope it will come out as soon as possible. If you guys are interested to coach you or knows someone who wants me to coach them in subjects like Math, Algebra, Trigonometry, Physics (or any Math subject), just drop by any message in the tag board and we'll discuss it more. Sorry guys, but this is for Metro Manila residents only. (Be assured I have excellent academic records.) Anyway, things have been going well. I'm currently busy with my volunteer work at the organization I've been working with since I got here. We just finished our first newsletter layout by me, of course. I hope that this newsletter will be used by God to touch people and save them from the grips of the enemy. Hope to give you guys more information as soon I have the chance to post and write you some articles. God bless

Pride and Self-pity

I have been thinking why our society values, "self-pity". It is like a normal drama for all of us when we feel we are USED, ABUSED and when the world seems to devour on us. Yesterday during our leadership meeting, it was shocking for me to know that self-pity, as well self-despair is some form of PRIDE... Of course, we know pride as something that is arrogant, boastful, etc but looking deeper, self-pity is a form of pride. When we pity ourselves, we are too confident of ourselves that if we have to do this or that, people will respond positively. If we think that we sacrificed too much for the sake of a greater cause and yet that sacrifice brings to no result or worse, rejection, we often wallow in self-pity... and we think it's the humblest feeling we could feel. But remember that this feeling resulted in expecting too much for ourselves and from others. It neglects the fact that we can't control how people would react or how would things turn out to be... so it is a form of pride. We need God in an act of faith to do things for us... we can always be assured that if "we will just do our best (not overservicing or overextending), God will do the rest"

1 Peter 4:7-11

Live life in LOVE
LOVE to the point of sacrifice
Love 'til it hurts
Now is the best time to LOVE.

Adam's Silence

Genesis 3:6, 9-10 (NIV)
6 When the woman saw that the fruit of the tree was good for food and pleasing to the eye, and also desirable for gaining wisdom, she took some and ate it. She also gave some to her husband, who was with her, and he ate it...

9 But the LORD God called to the man, "Where are you?"

10 He answered, "I heard you in the garden, and I was afraid because I was naked; so I hid."

Adam just stood by her... He never did anything ... He did not accept his responsibility because he was afraid of exposing his true self ... and that day manhood died.

Recently, the world just celebrated the International Women's Day and of course thousands of (bigoted) women once again ran down the streets, shouting and holding their banners high reciting the women's rights: how they should be protected from abuse (especially from men), labor provisons, etc, the list never ends. Long since women's liberation started, it has been always women, women and women - women should be treated equally with men, women should have these rights, women are the greater sex and other silly quotes as perpetrated by these so-called women's magazines. Though you can't blame women. Ages and ages for now, men had dominated the society however with not so good reputation. In ancient kingdoms men do not allow women to be eductaed or interact with men. The Greeks consider women only as peple of the household and as vessel to bear children (male ones preferred). It was men who conquered kingdoms, who brought brutality and gory - orphaned children, widowed wives. It was men who started wars and burned houses, raped poor girl civilians, silenced the cries of the children. Though men are also reputed to be pioneers of technology, music, arts, etc, the society only remembers the masculinity of men as violent and brutal and how these have in effect. On the surface, women's liberation seems to emphasize the rights of the women only but in a subsconscious level it attempts to "feminize" men - that is it attempts to "tame" man's innate wild heart.

And today we see: WE ARE A FEMINIZED SOCIETY. Men are trained to be good and responsible husbands. They are trained to be good employess. They are trained to be good people who are sensible, who does not go wild when provoked, who is expected to come home after office, who is expected to devote most of his time for his family, who is expected to feed the baby when the wife is working and the list goes on. Even in media nowadays, men are portrayed as if he is an image of "beauty". If you ride the MRT along EDSA, you will see most billboards are filled with images of men who are "beautiful" (i.e. ripped body, six-pack abs, boy-next-door face) and to think this genre only belonged to women decades ago. In TV shows, you see lots of shows about women... and if you just wait and think... does the world forgot about men and masculinity? Does the world stop and think... hey, men got some needs too. That is why today, just as John Eldredge says in his book, "Wild at Heart", men are bored. Mainly because he doesn't know his nature anymore. It is there but he has not discovered it. He may be that man who studied at Ateneo, earns a lot and considered successful by his peers. You would say, he must be happy but something is missing. He had had lots of girlfriends, jumping from one relationship to another. You might say he is promiscuous. But no, he is looking for something, he is looking for himself... his sense of being a man.

Wild At Heart

John Eledredge said in his book that men are "wild at heart". I've been reading this book for quite some time (and hasn't finished it yet) and I'm so inspired because it makes me realize how good it is to be a man - the man God calls you to be. He says, a man's heart is like a beast, always looking for excitement, always looking for adventure and unknown worlds to conquer. He loves to test his strength time and time again and to take it out to reach his destiny. Though a man's heart is like the wind who seems to be on a constant move, he would stop for a "beauty". I remembered this scene in "House of Flying Daggers" where Takeshi Kaneshiro told Zhang Ziyi that though he might be the wind that is restless, he would stop for a beautiful flower of the north. But as history tells us, man abused this God-given trait. He becomes misdirected and so it resulted to violence and brutality.

This feminized society hindered men to be "men"... it neglects the fact that men must do his passion or else he will be weak. Let's give simple instances: girlfriends should understand that your boyfriend needs to play basketball with his friends. It is one way of testing his strength against his brothers, to be in an exciting, adrenaline pumping "hunt" which is called sports (That is why we guys love sports very much and we could talk about it all day). It is a continual process of being a man but rest assured that he loves you very much. Wives, though you were one in marriage should let your husband do what he has in mind: a mission trip to Cambodia or some mountain expedition in Everest or plain dinner out with his friends. However what happens is that, girl nags if her boyfriend does not want to be with her. She nags and nags until her boy ends up consoling her and wife often blackmails her husband that he had kids to feed, he had a job to maintain to support the family, etc. and so the husband is compelled to stick to this tiring routine for the rest of his life, his passions de-flamed.

For us guys, we trust our hearts to God for he is our Father and he bestows true masculinity. Don't listen to (insecure and selfish) women who says that you are not man enough for her (especially if you decline to have sex with her), screw Toni Braxton's song or this new song by Madonna. Women can never bestow true masculinity. We get our masculinity from God and from the brotherhood. It is a legacy that is passed on for generations. Once we become mature on our masculinity it is this masculinity that we offer to women. It is this masculinity to protect "beauty". It is this masculinity to bring "beauty" into our adventures, to show her the worlds we conquer "shining, shimmering, splendid", just like what Aladdin offered to Jasmine, or like Peter Cetera's singing, "I am the man who will fight for your honor". Don't be just the "man" the world expects you to be. Look up to God and he transforms you to be the man you are destined to be. Break Adam's curse. Do not be afraid of what you will become. It is a scary thing but it is when we stand out that we become free of what we are to be.

Who is...

Who is to blame?
For this sad predicament I am into
I am alone
And no one notices me

Is it because
I do not have the charm of talking?
Or is it because I don't deserve it?
Or people just think I don't need one.

O, God why can't you fill this need inside?
I know you heard my heart cry in pain.
Open, bruised and neglected!
I pray day and night for love

I tried to reach out
And prayed I'll be a blessing
To make others feel Your love for them
That they may smile all day

Inside, I am child
Waiting for his mother to ask him how he is.
O, God I am not a child anymore
Can you be my mother?

Can You snuggle with me on bed when I sleep at night?
And listen to stories of adventures I had during the day?
Would You cheer me if I do something great?
Would You be my shoulder to cry on?

O God, I felt unloved
And seemingly insignificant in this world
I am forever competing for attention
From the ones I care about

And now they can't
Can you give me an assurance?
That I really am something in Your sight?
By faith, I would believe even if my heart says otherwise.

Simply Grateful

A while ago, we just had the 9th anniversary celebration at Word Community Church. The message uplifted me because our church had beautiful plans this year which involves strengthening the inner core that is to be able to assist each member in developing their "SHAPE". Personally, I felt grateful and thankful for God for because of Him my dreams are coming true. Earlier this year, I remembered an earnest prayer that I will be used by God in his ministry, in the way that I know I can do best, in a way where I felt free and happy, in a way where I can minister people, in a way where I can develop friendship and brotherhood. Right now, being recently installed as one of the regular back-up singer in our church just meant anything to me. I was amazed on how God really brought me to this place and it's just amazing how God works. Better days are still ahead of me and I'm very excited of what God will do - of course bad things will test you on your faithfulness to Him and sometimes they knock you "off course" but just stick to God.

I'm encouraging you my brothers and sisters to entrust yourself to God... don't set anything aside for yourself... entrust your dreams and ambitions to him.

Psalm 37:4 (NIV)
Delight yourself in the LORD
and he will give you the desires of your heart.

Waiting

It has been a month since I arrived here in Metro Manila and I have applied for jobs many many times. The fact that until now, no company has responded to my application is depressong. Sometimes, I am tempted to think that I am no good, that I don't have what it takes to land into a good job. I envy my friends who are doing great at their careers and sometimes I wonder why I can't enjoy what they currently enjoy. In my quiet moments, I would ask God why I can't have a good career. Though in the contrary, I'm doing great in God's ministry. If I were to be compensated for the work I'm doing, I guess I would be having lots and lots of money. But doing God's work is different. It is the source of my great joy and no money can be exchanged for it. God has set aside plans for me working in the industry maybe in the future but for now, I'm doing HIS work and that's what matters. We just learn to trust in Him and wait for his perfect timing. I have just read my daily subscription from Desert Streams and again I was reminded how valuable it is to wait upon the Lord.

"Rest in the Lord, and wait patiently for him" (Ps. 37:7).

Have you prayed and prayed and waited and waited, and still there is no manifestation?

Are you tired of seeing nothing move? Are you just at the point of giving it all up? Perhaps you have not waited in the right way? This would take you out of the right place the place where He can meet you.

Waiting is boring

"With patience wait" (Rom. 8:25). Patience takes away worry. He said He would come, and His promise is equal to His presence. Patience takes away your weeping. Why feel sad and despondent? He knows your need better than you do, and His purpose in waiting is to bring more glory out of it all. Patience takes away self-works. The work He desires is that you "believe" (John 6:29), and when you believe, you may then know that all is well. Patience takes away all want. Your desire for the thing you wish is perhaps stronger than your desire for the will of God to be fulfilled in its arrival.

Patience takes away all weakening. Instead of having the delaying time, a time of letting go, know that God is getting a larger supply ready and must get you ready too. Patience takes away all wobbling. "Make me stand upon my standing" (Daniel 8:18, margin). God's foundations are steady; and when His patience is within, we are steady while we wait. Patience gives worship. A praiseful patience sometimes "long-suffering with joyfulness" (Col. 1:11) is the best part of it all. "Let (all these phases of) patience have her perfect work" (James 1:4), while you wait, and you will find great enrichment. --C. H. P.

Hold steady when the fires burn,
When inner lessons come to learn,
And from this path there seems no turn
"Let patience have her perfect work."
--L.S.P.

New Name

I turn 25 today! And things were quite normal. My housemates were asking me, how does it feel to be 25? Personally, nothing has changed much except the stubborn fat around my waist which I try to burn in the gym. Inside, there is and it's quite remarkable how God is working not only me but in each of us. I never thought following God would be as easy as changing a bit of attitude, or do something good. If we were to follow God and grow we have to "let go". We have to let go of everything that we have known. It is inescapable and it is as hard as it may seem, a very painful experience.

All this thinking is quite tiring

All of our lives we had it in our minds what we want ourselves to be: our dreams, our status in the society or what we want to appear as the world sees us. We are excellent in "covering up" the wounds incurred to us, giving out a mask, a false self - created to make us appear strong and infallible as we made our way to the dreams we had in our minds. But what we really are is not the mask we made ourselves to be "successful" by world standards. One by one, God peels each and every layer of mask - each layer that we cling to: layers that serve to have a sense of dignity or of importance, to have a sense of what we want the world to see in us - those layers, God will peel them off and it's just so hard because we love the shell that covers us and we don't want to let them go because we think that without them, we are nothing: without our jobs, we are nothing; if I am not an important person, I am nothing.

Allow God to peel them off. It will make you exposed: you feel so vulnerable... so naked and what is left is your fragile self - full of hurts, full of wounds, full of fears, full of insecurities - you can feel the pains surfacing and literally chilling into your bones. All we can do is to let God attend those wounds - it might be painful just like when you put "agua" in an open wound. Let God robe you with a new self as you become the person he intends you to be:

Revelations 21:5 (NIV)

He who was seated on the throne said, "I am making everything new!" Then he said, "Write this down, for these words are trustworthy and true."

Yes, God is making all things new.

Don't be afraid to let God "peel" off your masks as you continue to walk with Him. And in the process He will gave ss a new identity, far different from the identity we desperately create or maintain. He will give us "new names". Remember God, telling Abram to leave his riches in the land of Ur and travel into an unknown and foreign land. He gave him a new name, a new mission, a new destiny - God given destiny. His name become "Abraham", because he is to father a great nation! The nincompoop Jacob became Israel. The church persecutor Saul becomes Paul, God's messenger to the Gentiles. Think how marvelous how God can transform people if they just let Him work in their lives!

G O D

Compare the size of the Earth with other planets:

Now compare it with Uranus, Neptune and against Jupiter and Saturn.

Earth: 1st row from left under Uranus

Now Earth against the SUN!

Earth: See the where the arrow points

Against Sun, Earth is like a dot.

Think !! Where do you find yourself now??

Now imagine the creator of this universe???

Don't tell God how big your problems are In fact tell your Problems how big God is .

Tragedy at ULTRA

This is the response to the email my friend sent to me. It happened that she almost joined her aunt to watch "Wowowee Anniversary". Thank God that she did not join and her aunt, though she was there remained unscathed. But the vision and images she saw there will be forever etched in her mind. I hope that what I think of the whole event is something God is importantly and telling us and that you may be able to contemplate on it too.

Hi Leigh,

It was really devastating and tragic... I'm glad that your aunt was okay and I believe that it was God's leading that you did not come. My church brothers and I were discussing it last Saturday and each of us had different interpretation of what God is telling us with this tragedy. One of my brothers was so distressed, he was like almost angry, you know. I agree with him that what happened in Ultra should be an eye-opener to our governement:

THIS IS WHAT POVERTY BRINGS! Poverty at its worst! and all they do now is just politicking again... asking relief goods in the name if this Honorable... blah blah blah blah... Pres. GMA suing ABS-CBN and other politicians who wants to dive into the issue as well just to get publicity.

Poverty is a curse... and it's so sad that because of it, we bend our moral and the very basic values we need enough to live a worthwhile life. Truly, as for me and as what the Bible says, "The love of money is the root of all evil."... People will do anything to have money - people become selfish and monstrous as if he only lives for himself... People are hurt (and dead at that!) because of their own selfish montrosity just to have money... I understand they need money but to go to that extreme is unimaginable!

But of course in every fulfillment of our "selfish" desires there are two main factors - the catch and the bait. The people are the catch but who is the bait? It's that big show - Wowowee. They think they are helping people by giving money... They're so proud, making noise everyday and looking so frenzy and happy. I admit the show is entertaining but deep inside me I felt something is wrong. I cringe watching TFC audiences, putting "green" money into baskets in exchange for a "panawagan" (greeting) or so something like it though indirectly, and with Willie fanning several peso/dollar notes over tear-stricken, stomach-hungry, breath-gasping contestants. That show, according to the same brother I mentioned a while ago, is making money a god. And its true that what show is telling the people is that, 'Money... money... money... money will make you happy, money is all you need'... I understand that the show's intention is good, to help poor people, but the method is just so WRONG... It makes people lazy, parasites like clingy "leeches" - it made them think that when you need money you just line outside abs-cbn like beggars and wait for good fortune to come... If they want to help poor people, give them jobs that enables them to live uprightly and decently - in that way they make people feel good about themselves because in a sense, they feel independent that they don't need to be a "leech" to live. This is God's wrath, as another brother was telling us. He had been reading Revelations and he remembered God's bowls of anger ... and now it has fallen on Ultra - to teach us a very important lesson. I grieve for our people who are so unfortunate enough to experience this tragedy but I grieve more to those people who are so apathetic, who doesn't care or blind or pretending to be blind of what this tragedy is teaching to us all, Filipinos...

2 Chronicles 7:14
if my people, who are called by my name, will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then will I hear from heaven and will forgive their sin and will heal their land...

God Bless...

The Bookworm

I can still recall the afternoons during my first year high school. When all the students rush towards the gate, can hardly wait to go home, I on the other hand would rush at our school library anticipating an adventure for lifetime. At 4:00 o' clock I went directly to the library (except on days our group were assigned to clean the classroom) and go to the classic section and decide which book to read this time. As I enter the library, I would see teacher Ofelia, our librarian make a funny smirk, as she saw me coming. I know she'll be irritated again with me asking too many questions about which books are good to read or if I were allowed to borrow five books at a time... but I know she's glad at least a boy (and rarely at that) got some interest in reading.

It's a boring day!

By that time, I got tired reading Bible children stories with pictures so I decided to read more "difficult" books. Difficult means that the story is longer and the words are harder to understand. I decided to "conquer" Alice In Wonderland. Although, the way the story is presented bored me, I did not stop reading. There are times that there are certain words that are hard to understand. I jot them down in a paper and look for its meaning afterwards. There are also times that I could not understand a whole paragraph and had to read it twice or thrice just to get the point. Everyday, I faithfully turn page after page - how Alice followed the white rabbit, how she swam in her own tears, how she met the cheshire cat and the mad hatter and how she bravely faced the queen of cards and consoled the lonely turtle (or was it a tortoise?). It was worth it and from that time on, I can't stop reading every book that my teachers require me to read - science, history, mythology and classics. The first pocketbook I got to finish was "Little Lord Fauntleroy", it's the story of Cedric Errol (I know most of you are a fan of the famous cartoon series) and next was "A Little Princess" (Yeah, it's again the famous Sarah Crewe). In my fourth year, our English teacher (She's my most favorite teacher of all time) had a knack for Greek and Roman Mythology - so we studied Cupid and Psyche (which was a fantastic story of sacrificial love), Perseus, The Gorgons and even Iliad and Odyssey (which we later as a class made into a play).

Later on our teacher (same one) required us to make a short story. I'm so excited because I know I'll be applying the different styles of the stories I have read. I was so much into animé at that time (and who wasn't until now?) so I made a story set in ancient Japan about a young man who's father just died and had to live with a distant uncle who owns a dojo. There he learned the ways of the dojo, have to endure his uncle's detestable temper, and befriend a rather shy and insecure girl and helped her to like her being herself. It was a story of how a young man grew out of his own fears and took risks to touch other's lives despite himself. The mood was quite peaceful, not overly dramatic, with gentle humor and yet very touching. I know my story was very good because I got the highest score in our class! Thanks for all the readings.

The Fountainhead by Rand

After that, even if I had graduated from high school, I still continue to read: Engineering books mostly and afterwards, l got to love Humanities: movie-making, architecture, the visual arts and everything. We studied Picasso, Donatello, Michelangelo and da Vinci and their famous Sistine Chapel painting. Later on I got into Philosophy with all its mind-boggling yet eye-opening ideas. Because of it, I got to hate God and felt I don't need him. I admired Ayn Rand, Sarte, Kierkegaard, St. Thomas Aquinas and felt I had to gain all the wisdom in the world. I got so full of myself and felt I'm the wisest reader in the world: I know things that "common" people do not, I despise what I think is "narrow-minded" thinking and refuse to listen with mediocre ideas. But something happend to me and before I know it, I was down and helpless and death was just a half-step lower. I tried to re-condition myself as if mind would win over matter but it did not, I was lost until one day I saw the familiar book I have forgotten many years ago. It still had its torn pages filled with pictures. I got to see the picture and saw a baby lying in a bed of hay. I smiled and the reading continues... and the reading saved me.

I know God gave me this wonderful gift to get to Him and I believe that He is using it to get into you, readers, to get to know Him. You know that "book" - it might be lying on a corner with it's top full of dust, unused for many years. It is waiting for you to open it and explore its adventures worth for an eternity! God Bless Us All!

Afterword: The bookworm currently reads all sorts of books: Christian and Psychological books mostly but he also enjoys mysterious and adventure books and books that require him to think 'till he goes insane (just joking). Books by Neil Gaiman (Stardust, American Gods, Neverwhere), JK Rowling (Harry Potter), CS Lewis (Narnia), Mitch Albom (Tuesdays with Morrie, 5 People You Meet in Heaven) are among his many favorites.

Life Ain't Like The Movies

Warning: The following material might offend those who label themselves strongly as members of the third sex ... but to those who think there is a way another way out, this one's for you. May God be with you as you read along.

Oh! It's gay movie?!

I haven't seen Brokeback Mountain, so I can't tell you it's a bad movie. In fact, if you wanted my best guess, I'd say it's probably a great movie. Everyone in the media has certainly fallen in love with it. No doubt it's a captivating blend of beautifully shot scenery, stirring music, moving characters and touching moments. It's also a work of fiction.

Do you remember Pretty Woman, Julia Roberts's breakout movie? It's always been one of my favorite romances. But, the truth is that it's a total fantasy! Still, millions of Americans (me included) were swooned by this ridiculous story of an infinitely rich man who found the love of his life by picking up a prostitute on the street, who just happened to be healthy, well-adjusted and beautiful.

Movies manipulate us. I'm not saying movies are all bad, far from it. But think about the situation. You are sitting in a dark place, watching a story unfold. The story has no obligation to reality; it is a creation of someone's imagination. Our emotions are tugged at by carefully crafted music, and everything we see and hear is under the director's control. It is a very persuasive medium. This doesn't make it evil, but it can certainly be used for evil. Movies have made people laugh, cry and be filled with wonder and adventure. Other films have tricked audiences across America into believing lies and sympathizing with evil.

Brokeback Mountain is no exception. There is an agenda behind this "love story" that's been evident ever since they started hyping it. Consider the movie's promotional tag line: "Love is a force of nature". There are two messages implied. First, homosexual sex is love. Second, being a force of nature, homosexuality is unchangeable and unavoidable.

From what I know of the plot, the two sheepherders' affair ends in heartbreak and loss. This is an accurate portrayal of what I and many others have experienced in pursuing gay relationships. However, there seems to be an idea people leave the theater with, that these two guys would have lived "happily ever after" if it hadn't been for the inconvenient constraints of their wives and children.

It saddens me to think of how many people - especially young people -- have sat in theaters across the country and been influenced by this movie to think that true love awaits them in the gay lifestyle, and that those of us who've chosen to change are living frustrated, sad lives. I wonder how America would respond to a movie that gave a non-fictional account of the homosexual experience: the promiscuity, the loneliness, the unending quest to try to meet one's own, ever-deepening need. How cool would it be if they could see an honest picture of the freedom that thousands of us are now living in, rather than a deceptive, mocking portrayal of ex-gays on an episode of Will & Grace.

Don't be deceived by fiction, or the glamour of sin. We must all remember the truth, and trust in God, because life is NOT like the movies.

--> Source: Exodus Youth

Afterword: Exodus Youth is a worldwide organization that caters the need and what has to be done for teens struggling with homosexuality and believes that there is a way out of it.

The Pilgrim

Yesterday's Sunday word was one of my favorites... but prior to the preaching I and my friends led the Praise and Worship singing on our 5 o' clock service. That morning John (our song leader) and I looked for songs from among my Hillsong collection and came with a very beautiful line-up of songs: they include "One Day, Let Everything That Has Breath, It Is You, Reaching For You, Potter's Hand and You Are My World". God really ministered to me during the worship. I was kind of feeling down, discouraged, insecure, envious and for days I'd rather want to be alone and spend more time surfing the internet, reading books, designing a new blog template. I would rather choose to be alone than with people, but God intervened. He "bombarded" me with wonderful friends who stayed late at night (We had this "Lost" marathon and we're so addicted into it), and talk things under the sun just to keep me aligned in fellowship with other human beings. No man is an island.

Anyway, the word yesterday kept me more inspired, kept me alive with incresing strength and challenged me to trust God and not to shift my focus on Him. The world is from Psalms 84:

Psalm 84 (Amplified Bible)
To the Chief Musician; set to a Philistine lute, or [possibly] a particular Gittite tune. A Psalm of the sons of Korah.
1HOW LOVELY are Your tabernacles, O Lord of hosts!

2My soul yearns, yes, even pines and is homesick for the courts of the Lord; my heart and my flesh cry out and sing for joy to the living God.

3Yes, the sparrow has found a house, and the swallow a nest for herself, where she may lay her young--even Your altars, O Lord of hosts, my King and my God.

4Blessed (happy, fortunate, to be envied) are those who dwell in Your house and Your presence; they will be singing Your praises all the day long. Selah [pause, and calmly think of that]!

5Blessed (happy, fortunate, to be envied) is the man whose strength is in You, in whose heart are the highways to Zion.

6Passing through the Valley of Weeping (Baca), they make it a place of springs; the early rain also fills [the pools] with blessings.

7They go from strength to strength [increasing in victorious power]; each of them appears before God in Zion.

8O Lord God of hosts, hear my prayer; give ear, O God of Jacob! Selah [pause, and calmly think of that]!

9Behold our shield [the king as Your agent], O God, and look upon the face of Your anointed!

10For a day in Your courts is better than a thousand [anywhere else]; I would rather be a doorkeeper and stand at the threshold in the house of my God than to dwell [at ease] in the tents of wickedness.

11For the Lord God is a Sun and Shield; the Lord bestows [present] grace and favor and [future] glory (honor, splendor, and heavenly bliss)! No good thing will He withhold from those who walk uprightly.

12O Lord of hosts, blessed (happy, fortunate, to be envied) is the man who trusts in You [leaning and believing on You, committing all and confidently looking to You, and that without fear or misgiving]!

Verses 1-3 speaks about the "joy" of being in God's presence - into his courts, into his throneroom. I recall the experiences I have when I was so spiritually high, like I was on a mountaintop and in every moment I would findmyself praising God for his goodness, for his faithfulness - for all the wonderful things He has done! Even the sparrows (v3) makes a nest for herself in God's courts. His throneroom is our home.

Verses 4-7 speaks of man whose heart is aligned to God's heart. I like this so much, it says that if our strength is in Him we would find ourselves pressing with increasing intensity. Our life is a journey, a pilgrimage of our hearts along God's pathway (to Zion) and if we keep our hearts on track, even if we pass through the valley of baca, representing the trials, the dryness, the sufferings, the weepings, God will provide fresh springs, and our hearts will be renewed. They will be stronger than before (strength to strength) as we go further along
the road 'till we reach God's courts in Zion (for me it's heaven)

In verses 8-12, it the psalmist's desire and prayer and personally, I've been making this on my own - that God will look on my face for I long to be in His presence. Truly it is better to be in God's presence even just for five minutes of prayer than elsewhere. God is my sun (provider) and shield (protector) and take note of this: HE WILL NEVER WITHHOLD ANYHTING TO ANYONE WHO WALKS UPRIGHTLY. And in the end, we are challenged to grow in trust for "blessed (happy, fortunate, to be envied) is the man who trusts in You (God) [leaning and believing on You, committing all and confidently looking to You, and that without fear or misgiving]!" v12. God Bless us.

Let This Be My Epitaph

I longed to live my life denying myself for others and when I die, it is my prayer that during my necrological service people will not tell what I have become or what I have achieved. Let the people know that I, a humble servant of God has been used so that others may live... and you don't need to be a saint to do that

If any of you are around when I have to meet my day, I don't
want a long funeral. And if you get somebody to deliver the
eulogy, tell them not to talk too long. And every now and then
I wonder what I want them to say. Tell them not to mention that
I have a Nobel Peace Prize; that isn't important.

Tell them not to mention that I have three or four hundred other
awards; that's not important. Tell them not to mention where I
went to school.

I'd like somebody to mention that day that Martin Luther King Jr.,
tried to give his life serving others.

I'd like for somebody to say that day that Martin Luther King Jr.,
tried to love somebody.

I want you to say that day that I tried to be right on the war
question.

I want you to be able to say that day that I did try to feed the
hungry.

And I want you to be able to say that day that I did try in my
life to clothe those who were naked.

I want you to say on that day that I did try in my life to visit
those who were in prison.

I want you to say that I tried to love and serve humanity.

Yes, if you want to say that I was a drum major, say that I was
a drum major for justice. Say that I was a drum major for
peace. I was a drum major for righteousness. And all of the
other shallow things will not matter. I won't have any money to
leave behind. I won't have the fine and luxurious things of
life to leave behind. But I just want to leave a committed life
behind. And that's all I want to say.

If I can help somebody as I pass along,
If I can cheer somebody with a word or song,
If I can show somebody he's traveling wrong,
Then my living will not be in vain.

If I can do my duty as a Christian ought,
If I can bring salvation to a world once wrought,
If I can spread the message as the master taught,
Then my living will not be in vain.

Yes, Jesus, I want to be on your right or your left side, not
for any selfish reason. I want to be on your right or your left
side, not in terms of some political kingdom or ambition. But I
just want to be there in love and in justice and in truth and in
commitment to others, so that we can make of this old world a
new world.

~excerpted from a sermon by Martin Luther King Jr., delivered at
Ebenezer Baptist Church, Atlanta, Georgia, on February 4, 1968

We're Two Years Old!

Bye, One Way Jesus

Andy's Undies is 2 years old! Hurray! Two years of faithful blogging and defeating hearsays that blogging is just mere fad. As another year begins, let's shed old skins and other ways. It's sad for me personally to replace my "One Way, Jesus" skin. I love it so much cause it's a work by heart. Don't worry it'll be back. This new skin is called "All Around the World"... and starring, ME (You're so vain, I think this song is about you!) yeah and of course the different landmarks of big cities around the world! I'm just felt overwhelmed of the thought that when God comes all nations, all tribes and languages would worship him. (Could it be that all religions lead to worshipping one true God? Would worshipping God transcend religions?)

Anyway, I've just joined my friend Nina's group blog, All Rights Unlimited. It's a about a blog where you can post anything you like: poems, articles, opinions, stories, scripts, songs, news, etc. Just click on the link and see it for yourself.

Pacman "Bites" Again!

Pacman

It's such a SHAME for a certified Filipino such as myself to sorely MISS the most anticipted rematch between Manny "Pacman" Pacquiao and Erik Morales:

LAS VEGAS, Nevada--(2ND UPDATE) Manny Pacquiao stopped Erik Morales in the 10th round of a super featherweight eliminator here on Saturday, avenging his defeat last March with an impressive display of speed and power.
Pacquiao sent Morales to the canvas for the first time in his career and completed the victory when the referee stopped the fight at 2:33 of the 10th.

The Filipino fighter improved to 41-3-2 with 33 wins inside the distance.

Mexico's Morales, who had posted a unanimous 12-round decision over Pacquiao in March, fell to 48-4, with 33 wins inside the distance.

In their first encounter, Pacquiao was looking for a knock-out against the hard-chinned Morales, but instead end up bloodied by Morales who earned the close decision.

The first half of Saturday's fight at the Thomas and Mack Center followed the same script as the 130-pounders traded a flurry of punches, practically from the opening bell.

Morales had the upper hand as he outboxed Pacquiao, winning rounds three, four and five.

However, that effort seemed to sap the energy of the 30-year-old Mexican as he offered less resistance to Pacquiao's pressure as the fight progressed.

Pacquiao finally put away the valiant Morales when he dropped him with a left with just under a minute remaining in the 10th round. Morales sprung up at the count of nine, but Pacquiao quickly pounced and again floored Morales, prompting referee Kenny Bayless to stop the action.

With the victory Pacquiao was installed as the World Boxing Council's No. 1 contender in the division in which Mexico's Marco Antonio Barrera holds the title.

On the same card, Mexico's Martin Castillo won a 12-round split decision over Venezuela's Alexander Munoz to retain his World Boxing Association super flyweight title.

Castillo, who finished the fight with two cuts on his face, was given the win by two of the ringside judges, 116-111 and 115-112, while the third judge saw it 115-112 for Munoz.

The Mexican fighter was on the canvas in the first round but survived to improve to 30-1, with 16 wins inside the distance.

Munoz, a former champion in the division, fell to 29-2, with Castillo responsible for both of his defeats, the first in December of 2004.

--> Link to this post: gmanetwork.com

Grey-Colored Hues (Part II)

Yesterday, as I go offline and do my things for that day, I though about the recent post I made. It sounds "gloomy" and kind of "depressing", don't you think?

Basically, grey-colored hues is about weariness... when things are pulling you down, when people become rude, and the attitude levels are rising and you feel you'll like to blow up! And so you get wild, partying and enjoying yourself just to get rid of that weariness you felt inside... hoping you'll feel well. For a moment, maybe, but it goes back and doubled its full force.

So how do we get rid of this endless cycle? I know you might find my advice too common, to cliche... too touchy-feely... BUT if you are HUMAN enough to admit that you are helpless, that you need help, that you desire some greater power to save you - YOU NEED GOD. YOU NEED JESUS. I'd like to share to you the lyrics from "Evanescence's" first hit, "Bring Me To Life" and pray that God will work you through...It says,

How can you see into my eyes like open doors
Leading you down into my core
Where I’ve become so numb without a soul
My spirit sleeping somewhere cold
Until you find it there and lead it back home

--> You see the person in this 1st verse realizes how his/her soul becomes "numb" ... When we say numb, it doesn't mean that we feel weary at all... we are left feeling-less, that all things good or bad mean the same.

"Why do I care if I want to be on top while I hurt others along the way", "Why do I care if I have lots of one-night stand partners?", "So what if my mom and dad from the province will come to visit me?". (Sorry, for the offended ones) These are some of the examples if we had a "dead conscience".

We don't feel any guilt nor any form of serendipity (grace) from anything. Everything is just plain, nor black nor white ... just gray, gray and gray! In the first line, the person realizes that "someone" knows everything regarding his/her sad predicament and that person realizes that that "someone" could "lead" his/her soul back home. That "someone", you may call it God, or "something greater than the mind can conceive" will take your soul back to where it belongs - in his nature, in his likeness. Genesis 1:26a says:

Then God said, "Let us make man in our image, in our likeness,...

... God's image is spiritual in nature and we are to be spiritual beings because we came from him. When the "spirit" becomes "lost", of course, "it wants to go home"... Logically it make sense, right?

The chorus, I leave it to you... Make it your own prayer when you feel "lost". God is always there to find you and wake you up and lead you to His home.

Wake me up inside
Wake me up inside
Call my name and save me from the dark
Bid my blood to run
Before I come undone
Save me from the nothing I've become
Now that I know what I'm without
You can't just leave me
Breathe into me and make me real
Bring me to life

Though Evanescence outrightly denied that their song is a "Christian" song... many people have been blessed. They may not realize the impact it made to those who are hungry, those are weary and how the song led them back to God... I included.

Grey-colored Hues

Sometimes I'm still wondering why time seems to fly fast when you're here in Manila. It seems that there are things much to be done and later find out that you have so little time. Yesterday I went Eastwood Technopark to submit my resume at a company. I assumed that since I only live in Kamuning (Quezon City), that wouldn't be that far (as suppose you live in Las Pinas or in Manila or Valenzuela). But it took me almost 3 hours to go there and back! In Davao, I could have been in many places in that span of time. So now, (even if i had realized it before but haven't got used to it ... still) I realize that it's the travelling that kills most of your time! Metro Manila is such a big, big collection of cities and in the future it will be bigger as disticts around it like the Tanay, Antipolo, Cainta, Binan, Sta Rosa, Dasmarinas, Bacoor, Imus, etc. will be highly urbanized.

Week Faces

At the end of the day, I'm wondering if I had done something worthwhile. Everything happened like fast swirling blur of grey-colored hues... and in my quiet reflection I try to grasp the goodness, the excitement of the seemingly tiring, boring and monotonic lifestyle. That's why I like it here in Metro Manila. The culture inscribed in it allows me to experience the wonders of life and realize how blessed I am even if the people around seemed to be walking too fast, heading in different directions but did not allow themselves to slow down and think - to regain the lost energy, environment has taken from them. They go to bars and discos and eat out on Fridays by dates of 15 and 30 and they party all night long thinking that indulging in some frenzied happy-tripping would take away the stress they got not only from the workplace, not only from the pollution but from the this stressful culture itself. And they go to sleep the whole day on Sunday, wake up on Monday and work like zombies till Frdiay. You see them standing on MRT with droopy eyes and haggard souls. And the cycle repeats... and truth be told, their souls will be as dry as ever. I was once on this path and I thought it's the way it should be if you want to survive in Metro Manila. But I realized, it's not bad to be probinsyano^FYI with inate tendencies to be more reflective while enjoying the clear night skies in the fields up on an acacia tree (not really in acacia tree, much more like a guava tree).

Probinsyano - Tagalog term which means one who lives or comes from provinces

What Love Is (As Kids tell)

I remembered Jesus saying in the gospels that in order to see the Kingdom of heaven we should be like children. It means that our hearts should be innocent, pure and sincere. I recently received this hilarious e-mail about kids being interviewed on what love is. I believe they're more meaningful than the love quotes we've surrounded ourselves these days:

"When my grandmother got arthritis, she couldn't bend over and paint her toenails anymore.

So my grandfather does it for her all the time, even when his hands got arthritis too. That's love."

Rebecca- age 8

"When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different.

You just know that your name is safe in their mouth."

Billy - age 4

"Love is when you go out to eat and give somebody most of your French fries without making them give you any of theirs."

Chrissy - age 6

"Love is what makes you smile when you're tired."

Terri - age 4

"Love is when my mommy makes coffee for my daddy and she takes a sip before giving it to him, to make sure the taste is OK."

Danny - age 7

"Love is what's in the room with you at Christmas if you stop opening presents and listen."

Bobby - age 7 (Wow!)

"If you want to learn to love better, you should start with a friend who you hate,"

Nikka - age 6

--> we need a few million more Nikka's on this planet

"Love is like a little old woman and a little old man who are still friends even after they know each other so well."

Tommy - age 6

"During my piano recital, I was on a stage and I was scared. I looked at all the people watching me and saw my daddy waving and smiling.

He was the only one doing that. I wasn't scared anymore."

Cindy - age 8

"Love is when Mommy gives Daddy the best piece of chicken."

Elaine-age 5

Love is when Mommy sees Daddy smelly and sweaty and still says he is handsomer than Brad Pitt."

Chris - age 7

"I know my older sister loves me because she gives me all her old clothes and has to go out and buy new ones."

Lauren - age 4

And the final one -- Author and lecturer Leo Buscaglia once talked about a contest he was asked to judge.

The purpose of the contest was to find the most caring child.

The winner was a four year old child whose next door neighbor was an elderly gentleman who had recently lost his wife.

Upon seeing the man cry, the little boy went into the old gentleman's yard, climbed onto his lap, and just sat there.

When his Mother asked what he had said to the neighbor, the little boy said,

"Nothing, I just helped him cry"

A New Day Has Come

My Soundtrack - Yeah Right!

I woke up this morning and gazed at the vanilla skies outside the window. It was still dark but a flickering ray of light was seen over the horizon (which was our neighbor's rooftop.. what sight :( ) I'm going to Manila today, to, again, seek my destiny. Yes! My God-given destiny and purpose. This time it's for real... I believe that it's time and I prayed for it many times... I prayed for it that has become a part of me - an insatiable dream no person, no discouragement can break! I knew I have made stupid decisions in my life and God made sure that I regret doing them because I just felt bad, worthless and battered... and so afterwhich it has become my SALVATION history. Now, I felt more than a conqueror just like what the judge Joshua said.

But actually I'm scared - scared that I'll fail, scared that I can't stand the ever competitive and heartless working world here in Manila, scared that I would fail my parents again but when I gaze upon the grace of God, I felt hope and enthusiasm. A great wave washed my heart expecting that something good will happen! Something that I could be of good use for people who need help and it is good and it felt good... I don't what is and I'm going to find out! I'm going to share to you verses which will give you new strength in times you feel weary, in times you feel that the world is going to devour you and sap your strength away...

Isaiah 40:30-32 (NIV)
30 Even youths grow tired and weary,
and young men stumble and fall;

31 but those who hope in the LORD
will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
They will run and not grow weary,
They will walk and not be faint.

See what marvelous things God can do when he put our hope on Him! It is my prayer that you'll be blessed by this verse. Rise up and conquer the new heights!

The Frustration Bug

Smile and look good!

I just hate when times like these happen in my life. I woke in the morning wearing a smug look and people talking sound annoying to you... But by God's grace I am (hopefully) still have reason to live this day, bless other people even if it requires extra effort and do things I normally do not do these days like exercising in the gym. When the frustration bug sets in, you are vulnerable to temptation - I might invite my friends and get drunk, or maybe I would like to meet someone in the bar - just to ease the pain the bug has caused your heart. But instead of easing the pain, it gets worse and the pain is now mixed with guilt, regret and blame.

Right now, my plans going back to Manila are thwarted. My brother just had an accident and of course the money will be used for his operating expenses, his medicines, etc. I understand that accidents to happen and nothing is to blame for that. But somehow deep inside my heart, I am angry. Angry with the situation and angry ... just angry okay and of course frustrated. I don't know how to elaborate and I am of course vulnerable to impulsive thoughts (temptation). I have the tendency to "pig out" when I feel something stressful like anger, frustration, discouragement. In the past, I do not hesitate to do it but now I seek God's wisdom, discern what I can learn from the situation and how can I make it better by God's grace. What does the scripture says in times like these:

Psalms 37:7a (NIV)
Be still before the LORD and wait patiently for him;

Romans 8:28 (Amplified Bible)
We are assured and know that [ God being a partner in their labor] all things work together and are [fitting into a plan] for good to and for those who love God and are called according to [His] design and purpose.

It is comforting to know that IF you love the Lord, trust that all things work for good according to his will and purpose. I may not have the understanding why he allows times like this but he knows and he knows BETTER than us. He told us to be still and wait patiently for him for his timing his perfect in his time. Wow! Many times have I trusted my own instinct and they all fail. Many times have I listened to wordly values (and truth be told, they sound good) but the scriptures are perfect and true to its promise. As Christians we are trust his word - not our feelings, not the circumstances and not what we think is best for us. 2 Corinthians 5:7 (Amplified) says, "For we walk by faith [we regulate our lives and conduct ourselves by our conviction or belief respecting man's relationship to God and divine things, with trust and holy fervor; thus we walk] not by sight or appearance."... Right, so cheer up if you're bankrupt, if you're boyfriend/girlfriend just left you, or your dog was sick - we live by faith and not by sight! GBU everyone.