Freedom


Once in our class in Introduction to Philosophy, we discussed what is "Freedom" in the general sense. Intellectual as my mind has thought, I have discussed the subject well as evident with the results during our quizzes but never did I experience until now (particularly yesterday) what "Freedom" is and what "Freedom" felt.

Yesterday, I and my father have our "first" father and son talk. It was nothing dramatic nor special. Just a simple chat. At first, we talked about me being accepted at Texas Intruments. I told him I was apprehensive, cause it'll be a new adjustment to me. He was comforting me in a way but was taking less attention into what he was saying. Suddenly and caught off-guard, my dad confronted me about all that I've written in my struggle journal. (I bet he 'accidentally' read it) Heat was rising in my head and I don't know what was coming next. I felt guilty and ashamed. I was stammering explaining everything to him. You'd think I'd cry but I didn't - almost. I was reclining on the bed, holding my head with my arms - and I was frozen in that position. I thought my dad would be angry like nuts but no... he was calm, and loving and the best thing is, he did not condemn me. He said, he has understood my struggles and he was proud of me that I've decided to change for the good, that I'd lay everything before the Lord. He even advised me to "cry" it out to God for repentance.

I felt heat left me and was aware of what was happening. I told him everything, how I struggled, how I repented about it. I even told him that's why I'm reluctant to go Baguio cause I've found a support group which I joined just recently for my healing here in Manila. My dad said, we will pray for it. When it's time to depart, my dad laid hands and prayed for me. It's an ordinary prayer, but I felt the sincerity and concern of my dad I can't help but to fight back tears. After the prayer, I felt an "inner peace". I feel I'd be all right even if the whole world will turn into chaos. It's not an agitated or exciting feeling but it's the best feeling in the world - a feeling not to feel at all. I felt free and in the silence of my heart as my dad led me downstairs to the lobby, I praised God for his mercy. I felt forgiven. His fresh wave of mercy washed on me taking the guilt and hate away I kept for so long. I thank God for his wondrous ways. His timing his perfect in His time. Trust God and He will bless you more than your worldy mind can imagine.