Charlie and Angels
When I arrived the first night, I was rather distracted and not minding the whole convention thing cause you see I was a contestant for solo singing contest which will take place on each evening of the convention. I was apparently nervous and kept forgetting the lyrics of my songs. I sang on the first night and on the 2nd and on the 3rd. But despite the nervousness, I'm pretty confident that I could pull it off - provided the "extensive" singing experiences I have since college. I have prepared for this. I have sacrificed a month here in Davao just for this thing and rehearsed quite well.
On the first night, there are 4 contestants, a girl named Mary from another circuit of the same Zone and Mary Joy, a pretty lass from Zone 3, who decided to sing on the instant her name was called. She was unprepared and sang only the first half of the song, "The Warrior is a Child". There was this girl and her name is Ciara who was only 13 years old and sang like a seven-year old kid with a good but with an undeveloped voice. I'm pretty sure I'm quite better than these two. Then there was Mary, who was good and I can say she's into solo singing contests since she was born because you can see the "coolness" in her thing. She was a big threat in short. :( But I say, I don't care. I came here to sing for God and for His glory and I don't care what will happen. So when it was my time to sing, I can say I gave my all - all my love for God I have expressed despite the minor mistakes like forgetting some of my lyrics and some "flats". The judges gave their comments and I thought I can swallow what they have said/commented. They say, I don't know my lyrics and I don't have eye-contact to the audience. But hello? This is a Christian solo singing contest and you're there to sing for God and not for people! Is it necessary to look at people? But they're the judges and there are elements of truth to what they say.
So 2nd day came and there was a new contestant and new set of judges! I was irked with the inconsistencies this contest have. But I was happy because my "fans" were there. My sister and her pals (They call themseleves, PHENGSTERS) made me a banner and it said "MYMP", "Make Your Mandug Proud!". Mandug is the church I came from. I remembered the comments said to me yesterday hoped I can incorporate it. This time, I decided to sing an alternative song which was "To the Ends of the Earth". When it was my turn to sing, I felt I've done better this time except I did a bad "timing" problem. I was told by the judges, that still I didn't have eye-contact with the audience! (Is 1-second be considered an eye-contact? I think it does!) and I was intimidated by the stage because I'm afraid to move. When I went back to my seat with my churchmates, I was thrilled to hear their comments about other contestants. It made think I was better than I have thought but I was again irked because one pastor came onstage and made an announcement but could not contain himself to comment and said you should sing songs that are "singing contest" types and you should make your voice loud always. I know he's referring to me because I sang an alternative-ballad song and there was a portion where I had to sing pianissimo. Hello? I thought I was told that this song is patterned after "Search for a Star In A Million" and how could you imagine a song if you don't put dynamics in it? I just shrugged the thought and felt pity for the pastor who obviously was born in ancient times with his Jurassic period thinking. I sound so cruel thinking about that but hey I thought he just made an "undisciplined" comment, acted upon impulse and never given much thought.
The 3rd night came and the it was the finals night. But hours before, I decided to change song since the "Life's Journey" theme relevance was not followed by other contestants (another inconsistency I am irked about) but it was still in line with the theme. I sang a song familiar to me and I felt more relaxed singing and very confident with my performance. I received less "bad" remarks from the judges and I was pretty confident that I would be 2nd! So after the contest, I waited anxiously on my seat until the time the winner will be announced. After a few contests, the time came when the winners were called. They first called the 2nd runner-up, I was not called. The 1st runner up, maybe that would be ME and I was so excited. I was not called. Maybe, I was the champion but no... Mary won. I slumped back to my chair pretending I was OK, they called my name - I was 4th and my churchmates looked in disbelief. I got my prize (which was a lime-colored mug with Pooh pics on it). It was okay or so I thought until I get home and the events from the contests kept coming back to me.
I was 4th, the 2nd to the last winner and I knew I have done well. I was defeated by a girl who looks as if she joined a singing contest for children and a girl who sings as if she sang a naughty and sexy novelty song. I was pissed off because I knew I gave justice interpreting how a Christian song must be interpreted. I have observed many Christian artists sing and they sing very differently unlike secular artists who sing as if they sing for a show or for a performance, to entertain people. Singing Christian songs is not singing for a show. I was pissed off for what seemed like "unfair" and "uneducated" decision by the judges. Worst, I felt "diminished", my experience were reduced to that of an amateur.
In frustration, I sought God in prayer. I sought God's wisdom and what He is trying to teach me in this experience. He knows that my intention for joining the contest was for His glory, that His name will be glorified through the songs I was going to sing. I never asked to win but at least I would be given justice. I said, "God, I know I never had to perform for You with a good song to make me pleasing in Your sight but since I love you so much, I would give my best for You even if that's the least that I can give". I allowed those moments to sink in and God said, "My son, I allowed it. I allowed you to be treated that way because I want to show to you what your heart is like. True, you have the intention to glorify me but there is a room in your heart that does not please me. Your heart is full of pride. You are proud and in your heart you think you are so great by virtue of the things you know. Glorifying me would not need your knowledge. In your heart, partly you agreed to join the singing contest to show how great you are. In your heart puffed arrogance and vainglory."
Today, the experience still hurts but I was humbled. God made sure of that. Sometimes, we have to learn a lesson the hard way and accepting it is a way to learn and to grow in His wake. Truly, everything the world values can bring pride in our hearts. My so-called extensive musical knowledge which I thought would glorify God became the way for my heart to be led astray, 1 John 2:16-17 (NIV) says,
For everything in the world-the cravings of sinful man, the lust of his eyes and the boasting of what he has and does-comes not from the Father but from the world. The world and its desires pass away, but the man who does the will of God lives forever.
Yeah, I say to God, you are right. I indeed quite so full of myself and a million thanks to you for this lesson. How about you? In what ways God taught you a lesson the hard way? If you want to speak your mind. Leave a comment or tag along. :) God Bless. More convention-related experiences will be posted soon.
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