Blessings from the Past


I woke up, early in the morning. It was 6:30 AM and I felt extremely lonely. For these past days, I was feeling very low: with no person to talk to, no other soul who can seem to help with my concerns. Everyday, I am facing another day with nothing to look forward. God must have neglected me or He must’ve refused to hear my prayers… but then again I tanked God for giving me another day to live, another day to experience His goodness, another day to experience Him in unexpected and profound ways.

I was in the downtown yesterday, chatting, finding comfort from strangers online. When I logged out, feeling so empty, I cried out to God why would He let me feel as lonely as this? I felt useless and unimportant, not worth the attention or object of interest. I was thinking… my face would look blank from the outside … and I got home. After I changed into my house clothes, the drawer in our room caught my attention. I opened it and as expected it contained the same usual stuff I kept years ago: old sketches, beadle slips, stickers, my brother’s comic books and …

At the bottom part of the drawer contained envelopes … letters from friends from high school and college. I carefully leafed every piece of paper it contained. As I was reading the series of letters from Ate Patche, I can’t help but to feel nostalgic: our sharings during our early years in college, our adjustment from high school to college, the new friends, the new culture, the loneliness of being far away from home. I came across a very small card from my lady classmates who gave it to me on the day of high school graduation. They are notes of appreciation, telling me how I was to them – for being there when they needed help especially with difficult subjects like Mathematics, for being a Sailormoon fanatic (I thought I had been a freak obsessively patronizing that animé.) and for being a guy who’s entirely different from other guys and because of that they like me. As I leaf from page to page, I came across with certain memorabilia from the closest lady friend I have, Mayang. I gazed at the antique, 1 peso coin and her Science club ID she gave many years ago and I was really delighted at her thoughtfulness. I carefully read her small letters which contained comic messages and the poems she made for me, telling me how special I was to her. I even had the lyrics of the song she composed for our friend Mae. It was the song we sang during Mae’s debut. Along with these letters are many notes from other people whom I haven’t had the slightest idea that I (somehow) mean to them.

After reading these letters, I realized that I’m not useless, that I made sense in other lives as well. I praise God for ministering to me through these letters and because of that I’m very sure that God has always thought of me. Though my heart has longed for a specific way to redeem itself, God revealed other ways for my heart’s need to be fulfilled the same. During those times, I received those letters, I might have not appreciated them fully but God knows He will use it for me now. Thank you God for making me how special I am to you. Continue to make me a blessing unto others.