The Way to Alone


Reminder: If this article doesn’t make sense to you, just keep on reading and somewhere, someday it’ll make you understand.

I don’t know how to start. I have been thinking lately and realized that these past months in my life seemed rather pointless. I wake up thinking doing the same things which I think were worthwhile. I immersed myself in many things, being a busybody, filling every minute, every second of my life with activities. What are the purposes of those activities? Aren’t they suppose to give you purpose and meaning of your existence? I think and pray to God to use me for His work for His greater glory. And I do those things, helping the music team or helping the youth hoping to find a sense of myself to be of worth but I don’t find it in them. The simple things that gave me great fulfillment and great joy do not make any significance to me anymore. I look for more exciting and great things but I know they won’t satisfy me either. I dream for fame, money, a good job but what for? Sometimes I envy other people of having living in the spot light and having lots of people around them. They seem fulfilled and happy with all the money they have. Are they? In reality I do not want that life either. What do I really want? Or What else I must do?

I find myself standing in a busy street called “The Way to the World” with eyes dank and hollow. People pass me like blur and they’re off somewhere: to London to be nurses, to HongKong to be a hotshot IT analyst, to the US for greener fields, to fame, to power. They have no time to think or just smile at people along their way. The “Way to the World” branches into many streets. Some go uphill, some go downhill, some are just plain straight. No one knows where they’re going and no one knows if they would really reach what they think they are destined of.

You’d think I’m insane or depressed or just a dude who doesn’t know what to do. A clueless freak, a busybody who is busy for nothing, maybe that’s who I am. Is it really who I am? Maybe I’m something else, a wisp, a spirit trapped in a man’s body, a deviation of nature, a tiny, insignificant speck inside the eternal and infinite universe (McDonald’s commercial). Or looking in reality: a 24-year old man whose mucus clogs his nose every morning, who likes to listen to Hillsongs every morning, who works out every TTHS, who surfs the internet everyday, who rents lots of CDs to please his eyes and mind, who leads the music worship every Sunday. Do those things define who I am? Are these things the only things to do? “There must be more to life”, as Stacie Oricco sang in her previous album. In a greater sense of reality, what must be done? What must I do?

In this road called Life, a man traveling suddenly stopped and found himself lost. With nothing to hold on to, even the solid space of his reality feels like air. He faces a winding path ahead. And the path is winding and twisting. As the surrounding space or seems like it gradients from light to darkness, the man in his heart feels alone and it feels empty, not happy nor sad, just empty in the presence of the void. How ironic, how could a void have a presence since it was void? Nevertheless, the man alone faces an emptiness called Alone. What is there in that emptiness? Would it be a place of deep despair or insanity? Would you hear the still small voice of God in quietness? Or would it be just a place of emptiness, just nothing. No one knows until you let go and walk into it. Would that man dare to walk into that path? He could go back to his old path till he meets this path again someday. There is no escaping. He has to go to that path. Who knows what he will find in there? He expects to find God. Is God there even in the dreariest, emptiest spot? The man would only know when he gets there. How about you? Would you travel this road and dare to take the chance? It will leave you TRANSFORMED forever if you would. God Bless